quick return to nj

today I traveled down from ithaca to nj for a few hours before leaving for sfo (calhacks!). with the few hours I had in my hometown, I was able to stop by my high school (millburn high school, go millers!) and visit some of my old teachers and friends. I don’t think I truly realized how much I had missed millburn until I actually came back and walked down the hallways and roads I used to frequent every day.

when I was a student at mhs I wanted nothing but to leave the town and go somewhere with more “things to do.” many of my friends can recount me complaining that there was “nothing to do!” in this town. after spending over 11 years in millburn I had quite literally done it all. I can still navigate the trails of south mountain in the pitch dark without a map.

I think I have always perceived myself as overly independent. being connected with people, memories, or sentiment has never been a priority of mine when making decisions. When I was researching colleges to apply to, I completely ignored advice on thinking about how far I wanted the school to be; I thought it would all feel the complete same to me.

yet as I came back to nj – even for a few hours – I realize I am a deeply, deeply sentimental person. even on the bus ride back I eagerly looked out for landmarks and road signs on I-80, the highway I had driven on every weekend in the summer to go hiking. I will admit I cried a little passing through the del. water gap/mt. tammany into NJ.

it is probably not good to become overly attached to your old, less mature self. i don’t want to be known as one of those people that peaked in high school. i do believe there are far greater things out there, and that I should continue to venture. however coming back to millburn feels much like loading up an easier level in a video game that you’ve already beaten. you walk through the corridors and dungeons knowing every surprise and jumpscare the game throws at you. you know all the easter eggs and shortcuts.

This analogy is honestly quite productive in inspiring hope for those looking ahead into the abyss of the future. for a moment, look back at how far you’ve come. observe all the monsters you’ve defeated and the labyrinths you’ve crawled out of. as corny as it may sound, what is so different about the next level of this video game you enter?

i am sure the nostalgia and emotion connected with a childhood town/hometown is no foreign experience to any college student that is studying out of state or even very far away in state.

man i dont even know who reads these anymore, if you actually do read my blog posts (i dont know why you would, honestly, they are not that great), shoot me a message on discord with any thoughts you might have…